Captivating or Competition
Some people did write in to ask why i ve not put up something. Its because i ve been down with fever. Didn't know i left you guys starving. Thanks for always reading anyway
I like to post a question someone sends in and let you readers have a go at it. Over the weekend, a reader asks a straight-forward question about our role as wives. You can reply in the comments section and not send to me specially because am sure she will be reading this and will want to hear you take on it.
I do believe we are to love our spouses, have fun with them and do things with and for them….otherwise it wouldn’t be a relationship. I do agree that deprivation can place temptation in their way, and I don’t mean sexual either. I’ve been deprived sexually and turned to porn and masturbation. I’ve been deprived emotionally and started noticing that I was because enthralled with other men who paid me attention. I get all that.My take on it.
I’m sure most women want their husband to be captivated by them. They want their husband too have eyes only for them, to go to them, search them out, woo them, pursue them, love them, die for them.
Life’s been hard for us these past few years what with hubby being away for his job training a lot, new babies, illnesses, financial problems, etc. We’re finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and starting to reconnect and I am starting to make a concerted effort to be more captivating for my husband.
The problem is, in my mind, there’s a fine line between being captivating and just competing for his attention.
If my husband notices young women, for instance, and I see him looking, am I supposed to just try to be prettier than them? If I know he’s tempted by porn, how am I supposed to compete with that?
When I exercise, watch what I eat, fix my hair up, dress up, etc etc etc….am I trying to captivate my husband or am I competing with the girls in Maxim? When I cook him his favorite dinner and serve him hand and foot….when sex him up in the bedroom….is it captivation or competition?
Are we wives supposed to be in competition or are we supposed to be in a league of our own? Why does everything feel like competition? Why do so many women feel like they have to constantly get their husband’s attention back from wherever it wandered instead of him looking for and being captivated by her?
Men will always look at other women. Their battle is with their sexual nature, while ours is with our emotional nature. To expect your husband to always be captivated by you is expecting a lot. I believe you need to look your best, treat him with respect, accept him the way that he is and pray a lot. He will never be perfect and neither will you. Just start loving and serving him. You reap what you sow. He just might start loving and serving you in return! While I know quite a few men who love their wives and find them beautiful, they still notice other women. Just as women will sometimes notice other men. Does this mean they will be unfaithful? No. But it is important for both men AND women to look their best and try to keep the love alive.
Being married doesn’t make a person dead or blind to the rest of the world…it simply means trying to exercise self-control and show respect to one’s spouse.
Shuga (Sweet as hell)
As a guy, I know the women we see in media are fake. Nobody looks like that… not even those women. So we men aren’t asking our women to look like that. If a woman is trying to compete with supermodels (or even early 20-somethings in the prime of physical form), then she’s going to have a bad time. Competition is only edifying to you if you win… and it’s flat impossible to win every competition every time. I am convinced that competing is a losing game. So the answer HAS to be captivation. And as a man, that’s fine with me- I don’t care if my wife looks like a model… what I want is for her to want me and to send little messages that she is seeking to entice me.
ReplyDeleteIMO, the key isn’t to be prettier or any other “-er” than other women, but I am reminded of the old US Army slogan: “Be all you can be.” By that I don’t mean you have to be perfect in every way, but rather choose to do those things he will notice are for him. Don’t just think “I’m married, I don’t have to worry about it anymore.” Think “Hey, this is something he likes, and I like for him to be drawn to me.”
There’s things I do because I know my wife likes them. They aren’t huge things, but they’re things she notices and draws her in. If a husband and wife do such things for each other, they don’t care that they aren’t supermodels or otherwise the best at any and all things. They’re the ones they chose for each other and they are continuing to keep the home fires stoked.